Wednesday morning me and my Mom flew out to Texas where we would meet up with phil and his family. Thank goodness mom came with me for moral support. i knew that i needed someone a little less emotionally attatched when i was gonna be a hot Mess friday when he would leave( it ended up helping lots) . we got To Austin Later that evening and it was such a relief to finally land and be able to see phillip waiting at the end of the escalator. for such a long time the both of us had been dreading this weekend cause we knew it wasnt going to end fun at all...but being able to see him and hug him reminded me that this was all going to be ok in the end. we spent the rest of the evening eating and hanging out and it was nice just to get to spend time with everyone.
Thursday me and phil got to spend the entire day together and it was wonderful... and it is now a fond memory that i will carry with me for a while. I have always ranted and raved about Ikea and phil had never been....so we ended up driving past one and phil had the great idea of going...It ended up being soooo much fun. just walking around and talking about all the stuff we liked and what we hated, and day dreaming about a
ll the stuff that we could do to a house "if" we end up getting married at some point haha. I happened to think we would make a good decorating team...the kids got some pretty good taste and clearly i do as well haha.
later on in the evening we went out to dinner at the hottest spot that copperas cove texas offers ...Applebees what what haha! we ate far too many appetizers and not enough of our dinner but whatever...i kept calling it his last supper and all that
matters was that we enjoyed it haha..i think we did. we then went back and watched Patch Adams (an old fave of mine) and we just enjoyed being around eachother and talking. Thats the one thing that i knew i was going to miss. I wasnt sure how much we were going to be able to talk while he was deployed and the thought of not being able to communicate the way we normally did was so hard. I didn't want anything to change really...although i knew things we going to.
Theres so many things that go through your mind when you are sitting there next to someone knowing that that was the last time you were going to be able to do all of that for basically a whole year. it was hard for me to wrap my mind around it, it still is actually. i think about how much happens in a years time and it is semi overwhelming. I had a lot of fear and anxiety and my heart just ached at the thought of it all. But praise the lord I have a man who puts it all into prospective and doesn't let me let my mind wonder off too far. He always has a way to bringing it back to the truth and to the reality of what is really going on in any given situation ...even at a time like that. He let me cry...sob in fact...but not for too long. with his simple reminders and encouragement i was able to get it together once again.
The next day..Friday..was the day i had been dreading
for a whole year. I woke up that morning with a pit in my stomach and a knot in my throat. I knew that at 11:30 that night i had to let go . I spent the day trying to ignore what felt like the impending doom haha... we all hung out and ate and laughed and loved on eachother before phillip had to go. at 7 he had to go put on his uniform and get dropped off to go get his weapon. we all went back to hotel and phil went and got dressed. when he walked out all ready to go i was reminded that this isnt like he is just going away to a nice little country to hang out for a year...he was going to Afghanistan in the middle of an ongoing war. its something that normally i dont think about but there it was staring at me i
n the face. his Dad then had to take him to go get d
ropped off at the gym where we would see him later (he had to go pick up his weapon and such). as soon as he walked out the door the tears came streaming down my face. all day I had been trying to hold it together for him...for the both of us. I didnt want to make it any harder than it already was on him. i pulled it together and around 9:30 we went the the gym to meet up with him once again.
Soon after we got there they all started to trickle in. Then we got to hang out with them for about 2 hours. we sat there and laughed and talked and enjoyed our final moments together. I held it together up to that point far better than i thought i would. It was all fine and dandy until the chaplain came up to pray over everyone. I knew at that point it was the time when we had to say goodbye. i couldn't hold it back any longer so i just held him as we prayed and I sobbed. I can't explain the emotions That i felt from that point on..i soon felt as though i was in a bubble. Then it was time to say goodbye. i hugged him tight and gave him a million little kisses and then i had to walk away. As i walked away from the person i loved most i saw many families doing the same thing. i saw mothers feeding there little babies their last bottle before handing their baby of to their father who would have to play the roll of mommy for a year. I saw little girls holding on to their daddies necks crying not wanting to leave his site. i saw wives and husbands saying goodbye knowing only a peice of what they felt...i couldn't imagine how hard that must have been. That may have been the hardest part for me...just seeing a gym packed with families who were being broken in a way for a year.
after that we lined up outside and watched as all the soldiers walked by us and loaded into buses....we werent allowed to go up to them we just had to watch them walk by. person after person walked by and i finally spotted phil. as he walked by it took all i had in me not to run up to him and give him one last hug. 
But we shared a long glance and i told him i loved him and then he loaded into a bus packed with many other men and women who were all headed to the same place. I watched him through the window of the bus as long as i could and then they drove off and that was it.
But we shared a long glance and i told him i loved him and then he loaded into a bus packed with many other men and women who were all headed to the same place. I watched him through the window of the bus as long as i could and then they drove off and that was it. I can say with confidence that that day was one of the hardest days i have ever had. But I also can say that I know that the Lord is faithful and will not give us anything we cannot handle. I know he is not suprised of the situation that me and phil are in or the very war that has taken him from home. i know that he has us right in this specific place to fullfill his purposes that maybe i nor phil will ever know. But i know the Lord is doing a work in me through this and i am sure in Phillip too. Sometimes in the busyness of the days i forget how much i need the Lord in my life daily...and situations like this totally slap you in the face and remind you who is in control and how much I need the lord every second, every minute of my day and life. there in a peace that i cannot explain when you come to the understanding that, I am not in control, but i serve a wonderful and amazing God who is and who is so trustworthy. I think a god who knows every hair of my head and has all my days planned out knows thats best and i can fully put my trust and hope in that. I know that this years journey isn't going to be easy for the both of us, but i want to go at it with the best outlook possible and use this time to strengthen my relationship with both phillip and the lord. I have so much time on my hands and i want to use it for his glory. Im exicted to see what this year is going to unfold and to see the things the lord has instore for us. Be praying for the both of us if you think about it! i know we both would appreciate it so much! xoxo
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