a rough week

This has been quite the eventful week... sorry for my lack of postings. eventful meaning i did nothing....But a lot has gone on. I have a muscle disease if you will , called Fybromyalgia (you can look it up if you would like), and it decides to pop up every now and then, and when it does, i'm often out for the count. Thats what happened this week.

I woke up sunday feeling totally not like myself. I had to drag myself out of bed just in order to make it to our sunday morning bible study on time. I skipped out on my normal sunday Starbucks run because the thought of drinking coffee at that particular point was enough to make me want to die ( highly dramatic i know but thats kinda what i felt at that point haha). but i DiD make it to class, and i did make it through church service....but after that i was pretty done. i went out to eat with a few friends but not for long. I ended up going home....layed on the couch with a heating pad, and then went to bed at 7:30 and didn't wake up until 11 the next day....woke up feeling like a truck had hit me.

This is something that i have been having to deal with since i was in 8th grade ...which seems like forever ago. Its severe muscle aches and fatigue that can just seemingly take over you without notice, and you just have to deal with it and let it run its course. for me often the change in whether with cause flair ups and i believe thats what happened this time. since a couple days later the weather dramatically changed to freezing. This particular flair up lasted about a week, and so basically the last 7 days have been filled with far too many lame movies on netflix...tons of the office and modern family episodes (which bring me nothing but pure joy btw) and loads of sleeping because my body feels far too exhausted to do anything else. but i needed my people time...i needed conversation that wasn't with myself, and i needed friends to distract me from the ever present soreness that was now invading my body...and causing me to be unable to do all of the things that i normally would be doing. but i was stuck alone only feeling able to sleep, and lay on heating pads all day. its sometimes a hard thing knowing that this is something that i am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life....but i don't have to let it control me life.

but now as i sit here...i am on the mend. I woke up this sunday morning with a jump in my step and a craving for my sunday morning latte. i made it through the day with a smile on my face, and feeling so much better being around my people and being encouraged through the word and our awesome church body. I don't know if pastor stoppe knew i needed to hear what he was preaching but man it felt like he was preaching directly to me this morning. all about trials and suffering, and having joy through those sufferings. for these light momentary afflictions are strengthening me and us, and helping bring about change in me.

I know my struggles and pains are so small in comparison to what so many others are facing...but for me, sometimes these small hills i have to climb seem like mountains, and want to have joy as i journey through them. having joy because i know i can have faith in the sovereignty of god, and confidence in the fact that i know that he allows all of these things to come into our lives for a purpose. To bring about a holiness in me, and to make look more like his son, to often bring me to my knees, and break me, and remind me that everything is his...I am his, this body is his, and i can trust that he is in control and knows best.

I am so thankful to serve such a loving God, who continues to pursue me, and grow me...even if it happens to be through a trial or difficulty i am going through. Im thankful that he is forgiving when i often don't respond properly , and that he doesn't give us more than we can handle. I hope that when more struggles come my way...whether physical or of any sort (which they will), i can consider it pure joy like the word says and count my most difficult times and the most joyous times...because i know its producing something within me that is beyond what i can comprehend.