4 months

Technically it hasn't been officially 4 months since phil left....But I'm going to be gone on the 10th...so i am blogging today..3 days early ....forgive me :)

This month has been one heck of a month, and it for sure has made this whole deployment thing that much harder. I know the Lord won't give me...or phil anything we cannot handle..But this one was a toughy. I think i felt the weight of this distance much more these past couple of weeks than other months prior, i'm sure its just that a lot has gone on here at my humble abode and it really sucks when the person who you need most isn't able to be here....and there's nothing you can do about it. It was rough for both of us. i know phil wanted to be here just as much as i would have loved having him by my side.

The lord has been really stretching me lately through all this so called craziness and some times it takes almost falling on your butt in order to recognize things that need to be adjusted in your life. I realized that maybe just maybe i was putting too much of my hope and security in my possessions , and when they were stripped away (stollen) it was way to overwhelming.The lords gentle reminder that he alone should be where i am finding my worth and my joy....

I was shown my prideful and arrogant heart where i far too often think " i can do this on my own"....until I realized my total lack of control and was humbled when remembering the lords omnipotence and sovereignty in my life...that whatever i was going through didn't happen without it going through the lord's hand....and whatever he was doing in my life, that it was best, even if i did not choose to see it that way immediately at the time.

I was reminded of the lord's goodness, and the peace that comes when you give your cares over to him.. was shown that my anxious heart cannot continue when i'm pouring into it the promises of his word, and choosing christ over my cares.

This whole thing isn't easy and I'm not even going to try to pretend that it is..i often feel weak, and often think that it is much to much to handle, but i am trying to find peace in the lord, and remind myself that this is just a season. i know that some day i am going to look back on this year and see all of the fruit that came about from the lord breaking me and molding me more into the woman that he wants me to be. I know that this is only building up both mine and phil's relationship and character and maybe all of this is worth it even for just that.

so here's to four lonnngggg months....and the 8 more we have to tackle. I'm ready for it